Uncomfortable

I've been writing a lot, lately.

I've been consumed with passion for social justice and anger at churches for failing and love for all things fundamentalist Christianity frowns upon. And I've written a lot.

But I've been scared to put it out there. Err, here. On this blog. They've been sitting pretty in my drafts folder. Because what if I do and I lose people? What if I lose friends and supporters and churches?

But the thing is, I can't just play Switzerland my entire life. I'm allowed to speak up. I'm allowed to have a voice. And I can't be scared to approach subjects that normally have Christians getting on the defensive side and waving their Bible verses and theologies at me. Let's face it, life is uncomfortable. Especially a life of faith.

So here we go. No more holding back.

It's time to get raw and honest. It's time to get uncomfortable. Because I've been uncomfortable for a long time.

Stop The Madness: A Look Into How Evangelical Purity Culture Ties Into Rape Culture

Lately quite a few articles have been popping up on various feeds on social media, regarding either rape culture or evangelical purity culture. So I thought I'd pitch in my two cents, and how the two correlate.

The first article I came across was a blog post by a woman named Samantha. Read it here. The second article is here.

Regarding Samantha's post, let me just say that I understand where she comes from. 

In the ninety's, Richard Ross- along with his wife- founded True Love Waits. They are responsible for the Purity Movement, propelling purity rings and pledges onto the Christian youth masses. Purity culture became a huge wave within the church. I grew up around it too. Spending half of my education in the private Christian education system, my adolescent years were surrounded by it. Girls my age were proudly taking oaths in front of their churches, declaring they would remain pure until their wedding night, displaying their purity rings for all to see. While this may seem innocent enough, the actual root of it is not. It has actually driven away people from their faith. The problem with evangelical purity culture (abbreviated to as EPC henceforth), isn't just about "saving yourself," it also encourages dissociation from our sexuality, when curiosity and exploration are a natural and important part of sexual and psychological development.(1) Plainly put, instead of receiving proper and healthy sex education, we were taught to be ashamed of our sexual desire, when it is a perfectly natural function of the human body. Our virginity and sexuality was placed on this pedestal like a trophy, not to be touched or tarnished.

EPC also set up newly married couples for failure. Instead of protecting youth, the purity movement actually guaranteed people would enter marriages naive, ignorant, filled with assumptions about their gender, their bodies, and their sexuality... without knowledge, vocabulary or practice to discuss sex or sexuality. (2) 

Of course, being surrounded by EPC, I was pressured into taking an oath. I did it, at the ripe age of twelve, all the while not having a clue about sex, because why would I? I was twelve years old. I was more concerned with my math grade. But I did it. I signed that little piece of paper, declaring that I would remain pure until my wedding day. I remember the feeling I had when I did it. It was not one of accomplishment, but rather one of shame and regret. "What did I just do?" I asked myself. And you know what the most disturbing fact is about all this? No boy was ever asked to take said oath, or wear any symbol of their promise to keep their virginity. It was all us girls. It was our responsibility to keep our virginity for our future husbands, because it was a "gift" for him, and if you gave it away to the wrong person, all of a sudden you were cast out, you were tainted, in need of reconciliation with Christ, because you just committed one of the most terrible sins. And yet, boys were given more grace. It wasn't a big deal if they had sex outside of marriage, because of course boys are wired differently. They couldn't help it if they "fell into sin." This is not only not fair to the girls, but it is also insulting to the boys, insinuating that males are hormone controlled, sex crazed beings who are not intelligent enough to comprehend self control.

EPC not only encouraged all of this, but also urged the girls to dress modestly, so as not to attract the attention of boys. During my days in the private Christian education system, I can affirm that 90% of the dress code was aimed toward the female student body. Don't wear spaghetti straps/don't have your shoulders showing, don't have your bra straps showing, don't have skirts above the knee, don't wear shirts with lower necklines, etc. The dress code for the boys can be summed up in one sentence: don't wear clothing with mud/stains or rips on them.

That's it.

As girls, it was/is our responsibility to keep the sexual desire of the boys to a minimum. This is a false gender role that comes straight from rape culture. Rape culture states that if a female is wearing tight/revealing clothing or looks attractive in any way, she is "asking for it" - she is asking for sexual assault, cat calls, rape, etc. It objectifies women and exalts patriarchy and misogyny. Instead of teaching men self control, the responsibility of prevention is placed on women.
Rape culture is telling girls and women to be careful about what you wear, how you wear it, how you carry yourself, where you walk, when you walk there, with whom you walk, whom you trust, what you do, where you do it, with whom you do it, what you drink, how much you drink, whether you make eye contact, if you’re alone, if you’re with a stranger, if you’re in a group, if you’re in a group of strangers, if it’s dark, if the area is unfamiliar, if you’re carrying something, how you carry it, what kind of shoes you’re wearing in case you have to run, what kind of purse you carry, what jewelry you wear, what time it is, what street it is, what environment it is, how many people you sleep with, what kind of people you sleep with, who your friends are, to whom you give your number, who’s around when the delivery guy comes, to get an apartment where you can see who’s at the door before they can see you, to check before you open the door to the delivery guy, to own a dog or a dog-sound-making machine, to get a roommate, to take self-defence, to always be alert always pay attention always watch your back always be aware of your surroundings and never let your guard down for a moment lest you be sexually assaulted and if you are and didn't follow all the rules it’s your fault. (3) To teach something that is stemmed from this and claim it is of God cannot be justified in any way, shape, or form. 

This is not something that we should be encouraging or educating in the church. Instead, we need to be properly educating our children on sexuality and gender equality, without pressuring anyone- regardless of sexuality, gender, or sexual orientation - into taking public oaths regarding the status of their sexual activity. It is time we teach our children with a positive outlook on sex, without inducing shame or fear onto them. I am praying that we can reconcile and heal from the damage done of the Purity Movement. If you've been hurt by EPC, know that your value, worth, and purity have nothing to do with your virginity. You are loved and accepted as you are, no questions asked.

Do I think sex should be saved for marriage? Honestly, I don't know. I'm going to be vulnerable and say this is something I've been questioning lately. There's a lot in the Bible that doesn't apply to today (eg. slavery, polygamy, women being silent, etc). Abstaining from sex before marriage made sense thousands of years ago because there were no contraceptives, and children out of wedlock not only caused much turmoil within the community, but made said women outcasts. Is this still legitimate to our modern era?  Issues like these take research, prayer, and deep digging. The Bible isn't something cheap and shallow that can be taken at face value. But regardless of what my conclusion on pre marital sex is, I can say that I won't be making anymore public declarations on whether or not I'm sexually active. Because, simply put, it's really nobody's business.

And if you need some statistics and hard facts, click here. Because science and facts and data and all that good shit.

Did you also grow up around EPC? What are your thoughts regarding both EPC and rape culture? I'm interested to hear. Share in the comments below.

Freedom House

I'm finally home.

It feels so good to be able to finally say that!

For the first time in three years, I have a physical place to call home. Permanently.

I love my little house. It's mine to keep and take care of and decorate how I wish. Kilkenny is my home, and I have much exploring and many adventures ahead of me.

So, what have I been doing since I moved in three weeks ago?

When I moved out of New Ross, my heart was a mess. I was a wreck. After living amidst all the tension and the spiritual atmosphere of that little town(I won't get into details here on this public space), after having to say goodbye once again to beloved friends and teammates, I was done.
Saying goodbye to my teammates was really hard. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. After they left, I stayed in my room for a week and watched trashy teen tv shows(*cough*Teen Wolf *cough*). I don't even like trashy tv shows! Except to eat and use the bathroom, I didn't leave my bed once for an entire week. I even cried. Once. For maybe five minutes. What? I know! I never cry! I know, I handled it like a bad breakup. But after three years of having shallow conversations or investing deeply into people only to say goodbye, and after having nobody(except for three or four people, and one of them is my mother) contact me on a regular basis from home, after feeling abandoned by my church and everyone I knew, I was done. I couldn't do it anymore. So can you really blame me?

Needless to say, I was in need of healing.
I needed to start over. That's what I've been doing these past few weeks.

Healing.

For the first time in seven months, I can feel Holy Spirit again. I can hear God's voice so clearly. And I have missed it so much.

Except to care care of necessities, like grocery shopping, I have been a complete hermit, I've been in recluse. Staying in my house, hanging out with Jesus, cooking, baking, binge watching tv shows or youtube, and having spontaneous worship sessions in my kitchen have filled my days.
This has also been a time of receiving vision for the next season. Everything that was spoken over me/prophesied over me is starting to take root and grow. This is a time of growth, of vision and dreaming and planning.
You guys, I can't get into many details on here, but holy shit. Jesus has so many plans for this house. Y'all know my dream for the safe house and how unbelievably huge it will be? This house is the start of it. This is the beginning.
This house will be a haven.
This house will be a place where chains fall off, where people hurt or rejected by the church can come and heal, where they're set free.

I'm calling it the Freedom House.

I wish I could tell you everything, I wish I could divulge all the little details. But I can't yet.
Just know that it's so, so good.

It will take time.
But it will be worth it.

This has also been a time of relying completely on God for my every need. I put the last of my pocket money into the deposit for this house. So far, Jesus has looked after my basic needs. I have asked for wisdom on where every dollar/euro is going (A big thank you to you who have donated one time and monthly. You are sowing into something so huge and beautiful and I can promise you that it is not going to waste. I pray you are blessed abundantly for giving).
Something that Jesus reminded me is that it's not who has extra money to spare, but it's the condition of their hearts. I cried out for the past seven months for people to partner alongside what Jesus is doing out here, to see hearts changed and minds renewed, and nobody heard, save for three or four wonderful people who have beautiful hearts.
So I can shout from the rooftops all I want, but that's not going to do much. I have to wait for Jesus to move hearts. And so wait is what I will do. I'm not going to worry about rent due in two weeks, or anything of the sort.
Jesus has promised me this house. He has promised me chains broken and lives changed. He has promised me the nations.
And so I choose peace.
I choose to be silent and wait in eager anticipation.

"For the creation waits in eager anticipation for the children of God to be revealed." Romans 8:19
"But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:24-25
"God will make this happen, for He who calls you is faithful." 1 Thessalonians 5:24