Lately quite a few articles have been popping up on various feeds on
social media, regarding either rape culture or evangelical purity culture. So I
thought I'd pitch in my two cents, and how the two correlate.
The first article I came across was a blog post by a woman named
Samantha. Read it here. The second article is here.
Regarding Samantha's post, let me just say that I understand where she
comes from.
In the ninety's, Richard Ross- along with his wife- founded True Love
Waits. They are responsible for the Purity Movement, propelling purity rings
and pledges onto the Christian youth masses. Purity culture became a huge wave
within the church. I grew up around it too. Spending half of my education in
the private Christian education system, my adolescent years were surrounded by
it. Girls my age were proudly taking oaths in front of their churches,
declaring they would remain pure until their wedding night, displaying their
purity rings for all to see. While this may seem innocent enough, the actual root of it is not.
It has actually driven away people from their faith. The problem with
evangelical purity culture (abbreviated to as EPC henceforth), isn't just about
"saving yourself," it also encourages dissociation from our
sexuality, when curiosity and exploration are a natural and important part of
sexual and psychological development.(1) Plainly put, instead of receiving
proper and healthy sex education, we were taught to be ashamed of our sexual
desire, when it is a perfectly natural function of the human body. Our
virginity and sexuality was placed on this pedestal like a trophy, not to be
touched or tarnished.
EPC also set up newly married couples for failure. Instead of protecting
youth, the purity movement actually guaranteed people would enter marriages
naive, ignorant, filled with assumptions about their gender, their bodies, and
their sexuality... without knowledge, vocabulary or practice to discuss sex or
sexuality. (2)
Of course, being surrounded by EPC, I was pressured into taking an oath.
I did it, at the ripe age of twelve, all the while not having a clue about sex,
because why would I? I was twelve years old. I was more concerned with my math
grade. But I did it. I signed that little piece of paper, declaring that I
would remain pure until my wedding day. I remember the feeling I had when I did
it. It was not one of accomplishment, but rather one of shame and regret.
"What did I just do?" I asked myself. And you know what the most
disturbing fact is about all this? No boy was ever asked to take said oath, or
wear any symbol of their promise to keep their virginity. It was all us girls.
It was our responsibility to keep our virginity for our future husbands,
because it was a "gift" for him, and if you gave it away to the wrong
person, all of a sudden you were cast out, you were tainted, in need of
reconciliation with Christ, because you just committed one of the most terrible
sins. And yet, boys were given more grace. It wasn't a big deal if they had sex
outside of marriage, because of course boys are wired differently. They
couldn't help it if they "fell into sin." This is not only not fair
to the girls, but it is also insulting to the boys, insinuating that males are
hormone controlled, sex crazed beings who are not intelligent enough to
comprehend self control.
EPC not only encouraged all of this, but also urged the girls to dress
modestly, so as not to attract the attention of boys. During my days in the
private Christian education system, I can affirm that 90% of the dress code was
aimed toward the female student body. Don't wear spaghetti straps/don't have
your shoulders showing, don't have your bra straps showing, don't have skirts
above the knee, don't wear shirts with lower necklines, etc. The dress code for
the boys can be summed up in one sentence: don't wear clothing with mud/stains
or rips on them.
That's it.
As girls, it was/is our responsibility to keep the
sexual desire of the boys to a minimum. This is a false gender role that comes
straight from rape culture. Rape culture states that if a female is wearing
tight/revealing clothing or looks attractive in any way, she is "asking
for it" - she is asking for sexual assault, cat calls, rape, etc. It
objectifies women and exalts patriarchy and misogyny. Instead of teaching men
self control, the responsibility of prevention is placed on women.
Rape culture is telling girls and women to be careful about what you wear, how you wear it, how you carry yourself, where you walk, when you walk there, with whom you walk, whom you trust, what you do, where you do it, with whom you do it, what you drink, how much you drink, whether you make eye contact, if you’re alone, if you’re with a stranger, if you’re in a group, if you’re in a group of strangers, if it’s dark, if the area is unfamiliar, if you’re carrying something, how you carry it, what kind of shoes you’re wearing in case you have to run, what kind of purse you carry, what jewelry you wear, what time it is, what street it is, what environment it is, how many people you sleep with, what kind of people you sleep with, who your friends are, to whom you give your number, who’s around when the delivery guy comes, to get an apartment where you can see who’s at the door before they can see you, to check before you open the door to the delivery guy, to own a dog or a dog-sound-making machine, to get a roommate, to take self-defence, to always be alert always pay attention always watch your back always be aware of your surroundings and never let your guard down for a moment lest you be sexually assaulted and if you are and didn't follow all the rules it’s your fault. (3) To teach something that is stemmed from this and claim it is of God cannot be justified in any way, shape, or form.
Rape culture is telling girls and women to be careful about what you wear, how you wear it, how you carry yourself, where you walk, when you walk there, with whom you walk, whom you trust, what you do, where you do it, with whom you do it, what you drink, how much you drink, whether you make eye contact, if you’re alone, if you’re with a stranger, if you’re in a group, if you’re in a group of strangers, if it’s dark, if the area is unfamiliar, if you’re carrying something, how you carry it, what kind of shoes you’re wearing in case you have to run, what kind of purse you carry, what jewelry you wear, what time it is, what street it is, what environment it is, how many people you sleep with, what kind of people you sleep with, who your friends are, to whom you give your number, who’s around when the delivery guy comes, to get an apartment where you can see who’s at the door before they can see you, to check before you open the door to the delivery guy, to own a dog or a dog-sound-making machine, to get a roommate, to take self-defence, to always be alert always pay attention always watch your back always be aware of your surroundings and never let your guard down for a moment lest you be sexually assaulted and if you are and didn't follow all the rules it’s your fault. (3) To teach something that is stemmed from this and claim it is of God cannot be justified in any way, shape, or form.
This is not something that we should be encouraging or educating in the
church. Instead, we need to be properly educating our children on sexuality and gender equality, without pressuring anyone- regardless
of sexuality, gender, or sexual orientation - into taking public oaths
regarding the status of their sexual activity. It is time we teach our children with a positive outlook on sex, without inducing shame or fear onto them. I am praying that we can reconcile and heal from the damage done of the Purity Movement. If you've been hurt by EPC, know that your value, worth, and purity have nothing to do with your virginity. You are loved and accepted as you are, no questions asked.
Do I think sex should be saved for marriage? Honestly, I don't know. I'm
going to be vulnerable and say this is something I've been questioning lately.
There's a lot in the Bible that doesn't apply to today (eg. slavery, polygamy,
women being silent, etc). Abstaining from sex before marriage made sense thousands of years ago because there were no contraceptives, and children out of wedlock not only caused much turmoil within the community, but made said women outcasts. Is this still legitimate to our modern era? Issues like these take research, prayer, and deep
digging. The Bible isn't something cheap and shallow that can be taken at face
value. But regardless of what my conclusion on pre marital sex is, I can say that I won't be making anymore public declarations on whether or not I'm sexually active. Because, simply put, it's really nobody's
business.
And if you need some statistics and hard facts, click here. Because science and facts and data and all that good shit.
And if you need some statistics and hard facts, click here. Because science and facts and data and all that good shit.
Did you also grow up around EPC? What are your thoughts regarding both
EPC and rape culture? I'm interested to hear. Share in the comments below.
