Lay Down Weapons

So, I have two things I need to address. The first being, I have no idea what's happening come July.

I have been praying and constantly asking God what the heck I'm doing once July hits. To the point where I'm not fully invested in what I'm doing now. So God gave me an option. And I liked it. At first. And then it started to look less and less appealing. So I told Him, "I don't want this. I don't want to start over AGAIN and say goodbye to those in my life currently."  And when I said that, I realized that all I really want is to invest in the team and ministry. One hundred percent. I just want to enjoy my time with them. They're my family right now. I have realized how in love I am with them and with our ministry. I don't want to worry about what I'm doing afterwards. And then, with God being the genius He is, said to me, "You have worked so hard to get here. Rest and let me bring this to you. Just let it happen." So that's what I'm doing.

Which brings me to my second point: 

Okay so here's the thing: I have been a really shitty teammate. I had expectations of my team without giving in return. I wanted their all but wouldn't give it in return.

Why?
Because I was tired of saying goodbye . I know, that's really random, but bear with me here.

Since leaving for Cambodia, I have been on the move. I have had to say goodbye to my dad, goodbye to my teammates from Cambodia, to my roommate, to my friends and family, to my CATS, to familiarity, and now I will have to say goodbye to my current teammates in three months. 

And it FUCKING STINKS. 

I'm TIRED of saying goodbye. My life has been in constant upheaval ever since I left for Cambodia. That's three years, friends. Three years of constant packing up my life only to know its temporary. Want to know how many times I've moved since 2011? If you include how many times we moved to different homes in Cambodia? I don't even know. I'm approximating ten. That's my number. So as you can see, I haven't been able to settle down. To put down roots. 

But because of all this, I started to put up walls around my heart . I got defensive. I have noticed that I've been making snap judgements about people. Because if I do and I decide I don't like them, then I don't have to let them in, and I don't have to say goodbye and I don't have to get hurt. I've even put my own needs above the teams needs. I've idolized my introvert time to the point where I haven't been able to adapt to constant community again. And I get grumpy and surly and grizzly and bitchy if I don't get that time in. But there comes a point where I have to stop waving the introvert flag and suck it up to love on my team. It's been a lot of 'I love you but's with my teammates. And that's not okay. 
So I will lay down my weapons and raise the white flag of surrender. I want to dive deep. I want to love my teammates with everything I have. They are my family now. I want to pour into our ministry until I have nothing left. And then give even more.

We have three months left . Let's rock this bitch.



I am looking for monthly sponsors starting in July. Things are 1.5x more expensive here in Ireland, so I'm looking for approx. 10-15 people to donate $100 monthly, or 20-30 people to donate $50 monthly. Please prayerfully consider sowing into God's work here and  being a part of the exciting life of missions. Let's journey together and change the world. If you are looking to give monthly for either amount or have a different amount in mind, please feel free to email me at sf.rochel@gmail.com
Thank you so much for all the prayers! They are helping SO MUCH.